拿到Visa了。
     申根Visa的颜色还挺好看的，淡绿色。
     终于可以松一口气了，明天想办法换点欧元。。
     这里银行还不能换欧元……××，但是邮局可以。
     It is British Style. I have to get used to it.

    9.20pm, I finished my interview and went out from Chris’ house. It was extremely cold last night. But the sky was clear and stars were twinkling. Few people on the street. Chris walked me to the bus station. Here is the very edge of Sheffield. I could see Derbyshire from his flat window.
    "It is the hunter,” said Chris, poiting to a group of stars. Three of them were in line. “Are they the same stars you can see in China?” I am not good at astronomy. I might see some of them in China, like the hunter, cuz the unique line of the three stars was in my memory since childhood. They are hundreds of light years away, staring the earth since it was born. The light I saw was created long time ago – but it just reached the earth, giving a most romantic view in a cold winter night here in Sheffield.
     Life is short. Though stars have billions of years’ life, they still have the final day. But they burn up themselves to light the dark universe. On Wednesday, the department arranged a film watching session. It was a film about Veronica Guerin – a journalist who was killed for reporting drug business in Ireland. Her sacrifice awaked the whole society to fight with the long existing crime problems. She carried on discovering the truth though being threatened by the criminal of kidnapping her son. 
     Very moving film. I thought if I were her, I would have no courage to continue doing this when the criminal threatened to hurt my family members. But her death changed the whole society and saved thousands of families who have suffered long time from drug abuse, as well as younger generation volnerable to the temptation of drugs.
     My breath came out white clouds, mingling and hanging with the air.
     Her life lights up the dark and despair world. May I?

I’ve never imaged I could get the chance to Brussels trip. Even after I sent the visa application this afternoon, I was still thinking it was not true. It is equally the same as if I won one million pound lottory.
Thirteen students in the faculty got the limited places, seven of which are postgraduate. We will visit European Commission and do some fieldwork in Brussels.
I cannot figure out why they chose me. I applied for it, but then I thought I couldn’t get it definitely– as I am not good at English needless to say French or any other European languages, no previous exprience in Europe and no work background. Only luck, I suppose.
When Andreas told me on Monday that I was on the list. I can’t help shouting out “Are you joking”. He was far more qualified than me – EU citizen, previous work experience and knows more than one European languages. And he plans to seek job in EU. It should be him, not me, though I know it also means a lot for me.
Now I am worried about the visa – maybe I cannot pass the application and make all the happiness in vain. I know it is silly. Almost the whole day I was preparing it except for 2 hours in SUFA volunteer work. Susie and Herman helped me a lot. Really appreciate their kindness.
Well, just waiting. Waiting is always full of anxiety and uncertainty.

Today is not my day. Low mood and not happy. I didn't want to do anything after class.
I should read news, write my report and make a phone call to my interviewee to make sure some details. But no. I could not cheer me up to do all these things in my schedule.
Maybe I am tired.And I could not speak English as fluent as before today. Something blocked my mind, I guess.
I got the confirmation of a volunteer job in SUFA this morning and will start work next Tuesday, which is a good news for me - I have been waiting for this opportunity for almost three weeks. I am glad, though not as I expected to be.
The Internet research workshop was interesting. But the laptop for James and I crashed. We had to share with Ben. I worked with James today. It made me comfortable, cuz last time I thought the girl besides me didn't feel well when she had to slow down reading in order to make me fully understand. Working with the same person is not a good idea to broad my horizon, which I kept knowing different people when I was in China. But here, even if I want to, the changes sometimes are unrealistic. You need someone who knows you well, understand your difficulties and is willing to help.
To some extent, I think my situation is similar with people suffering mental health problem. They just need someone to hear, to be patient, to sit besides them when they are not well. I told Jila I didn't expect friendship as stable as those in China. I just need someone who is patient to hear me, to explain the usual things in their lives but not usual for me, to give me a little help when I face difficulties expecially in language and communication. So far I met James, as well as Andreas, Kath, Paul, Crist, Danius, Barbara, Linda, Davies, Jila, Kwame and Ian, who give me great help and encourage me achieve small targets step by step.
Walking on Hanover Way, my mind was blank. Yellow leaves kept falling down in November wind. Tears was on my cheek. It is the first time I cried since I came here.
A message from farther left in Q, he reminded me that I would have been here for two month by tomorrow. For families at home, they are counting time for the day I go back home. I don't know how far it will be. Nowhere is your home except your own country, Jila said. It's true. 

     耗时七年，等来的新邮政法，却是另一个彻底的国家垄断。
     今后我们不但要继续憋屈地使用中国移动，还要憋屈地使用中国邮政。民企的声音是微弱的，而这种堂而皇之打压民企的做法令人深感忧虑。丢人的是我们再一次选择沉默，也许只是在网上骂骂了事，忍气吞声把钱交给中国移动，中国邮政，中国石化，中国石油，中国×××。这些冠着中国名号的企业，炫耀着自己跃升世界500强的业绩，所依靠的是非公平市场机制下国家法律和政策的倾斜。而中国的民企，就算是有比尔盖茨式的人物，也绝无可能有出头之日。
     几年前民营快递获准进入市场的时候，对中国邮政积怨已深的劳苦大众不加思索的就把钱都投向了民企——快速的投递，热心的服务，低廉的价钱。没有人愿意忍受中国邮政柜员的白眼，高高在上的姿态，还要花更多的钱投递相同重量的邮件。
     毕业前夕，因为毕业行李的运送问题，西政的一群毕业生硬生生地和学校吵了一架——中铁快运承诺给学校5000张火车票，垄断所有毕业生的毕业行李运送，不准民营物流公司进校。于是在骄阳似火的下午，一群群毕业生愣是把几十公斤重的行李拖出校门，交给民营物流公司运送。中铁快运不但价格高昂，还没法送达偏远地区，谁愿意花钱买这样的服务？
      国际油价暴跌，可是国内的油价还是居高不下。为什么说涨价就迅速执行，说降价就是“还有再继续研究”。我们每次总是选择沉默，因为这些怨气只能在互联网上集结。可是我们为什么就不能站起来勇敢地把手指向那些“垄断服务”的人？
     好像就只该在外族入侵的时候才会“同仇敌忾”，好像被自己的同胞奴役是一种“理所当然”。也许后者比前者更加可怕，因为我们的文明几千年来就虚耗在这上了——我们习惯了做一辈子的顺民。 

     安静下来了。
     来这里，第一次参加这么热闹的场合，bonfire night, 想起过春节在家放鞭炮，相似的热闹。然而在绽放的烟花下，我找不到那种应有的兴奋。Collins邀请了很多华人，这么多天以来，今天是我见到华人最多的一天，可是一晚上除了和英国佬聊bonfire，就是和一个中文说的比英文还好的德国学生瞎扯。
     喝着热热的桔子汤，听一个中国学生对另一个说着什么学英文，念PHD，工作机会，觉得很没意思。想起前几周去利物浦，旁边座的两个中国男生聊雅思，聊申请学校，聊理想前程，心里想他们为什么就不说点别的。
     屋外细雨蒙蒙，屋内人来人往，好快，来这里已经一个半月了。一些事情似乎慢慢好起来，在中文电台找到一份工作，英文也流利起来，学到很多东西，Contact Book的名单也慢慢变长了——可是心里总是觉得缺少什么。
     在剑桥的画廊，看到一张少女的画像，喧闹的大街上，她的侧脸忧郁而茫然，在寻找什么，却找不到，在等待什么，却久久没有等到。驻足良久，我知道，我现在是找不到答案的。

     我不知道这个女人到底在想什么，在整个视频中，她把自己顶礼膜拜的北大批判精神演绎成了一场谩骂的闹剧。从她身上完全看不到北大的一流，只能让人怀疑北大一直引以为傲的教育。
     这个北大中文系的女生完全没有教养，对不起，我用了“完全”这个词，于事实来说也许略有偏颇。数次打断他人的讲话，使用的肢体语言很夸张，伸长手臂，指着与她对话的人。目中无人，对别人给自己的批判没有一点接受和倾听的意思。
     其次，这个北大中文系的女生文化修养上完全看不出一点“北大中文系”的样子，除了说一些“三流”，赞美一下“北大精神”，听不到有价值的批判——为什么《你丫真狠》是三流的，它不好，不好在哪里；我认为的一流片子又是怎么样的；如果我拍这个主题我会选择什么角度。。。诸如此类有点深度的东西，在她的批判中丝毫未提。
     值得深思的是，王小峰的一句话，“我想起我在过去认识的许多许多北大毕业的同学，都这德行”，语气中已经透着一点不满。而那“许多许多”和“都”，却暗示了这个北大女生的行为并非个案，至少在王小峰的经验中，他的结论是“都这德行”。
     把北大当作耀眼的标签给自己贴金，臆想着北大批判精神却没有身体力行真正实践，而是把它扭曲为攻击，炫耀，目中无人，这样的一个人就算她才高八斗，聪明过人，也终究做不成任何事。套用她在视频中一句经典的话，“我觉得这是对北大的一种羞辱，蔡元培先生九泉之下，他会同意我的”。